Tips for Avoiding Naysayers

Can you believe it’s already been a month since New Year’s Eve? January has really flown by. How are you doing with your New Year Resolutions? I’m doing the best this January than I ever have in past years. I can attribute this to lots of trial and error that have boiled down to 2 main factors. First as I stated in this post, I’d started working on my resolutions months before the New Year. Second and most importantly, I’ve made avoiding naysayers into a strategic craft. Here are 11 Naysayer Avoiding Tips that will help you crush your goals in peace…

Winter Neutrals

Melody Sours

Melody McFann

Dallas BloggersCoat: Amazon / Sweater: Dillards / Leggings: on MEGA sale / Pumps: Christian Louboutin / Bag: Chanel / Sunglasses: Rag N Bone / Lips MAC High Drama 

Photography: Marrica Evans

1. Hustle in Silence: This applies whether you’re starting that side business, applying for a promotion or leaving your 9 to five all together. Yes you’re excited and want to share your dreams with the world. They’re larger than life and often times a little scary. So of course you want cheerleaders and support. However, it can backfire as you come across hiccups and even make a few mistakes (those are the best ways to learn by the way). The last thing you need is someone smugly asking “How’s that pipe dream going”? Instead set a date in mind and hustle hard to get there. Tell a small group of people but don’t be surprised if those closest to you are the biggest Naysayers of all. This leads me to number 2…

2. Those who really love you may seem the most negative: This part can be the most confusing. They love you, they’re even family members at times. From elementary school recitals to college graduation, they’ve been there to cheer you on. So why do they have a million questions geared to poke holes in your plan? They chat amongst themselves behind your back about how crazy you are. Or worse, they’re complacent and barely engage in conversation about your vulnerably professed dreams. It doesn’t mean they do not love you. It simply means they’re scared for you and want to derail you from something THEY view is impeding failure.
In this case, it’s best to stop speaking with them about your goals and use their doubt as fuel to keep going. If they’re truly your people, they’ll be the first to applaud you and admit they were wrong.
Unfortunately, in some cases people just don’t support you and may suffer from jealousy of your new go-getter attitude. Tip 3 deals with these haters.

3. Someone who is deeply negative about your dreams is just as negative about you and must go!: It’s that simple. What’s not simple is deciphering them from those in tip 2.
Here’s the fastest way. Instead of asking lots of questions they cut you off and maybe even laugh in your face. They’ll also pretend to be all for you one second then throw stones behind your back. You making positive strifes will visually make them sick. You’ll be able to read it on their faces. Especially if you’re a woman. We’re stocked with intuition and can sniff out things like this.
Cut them off and do it fast. Then use their negativity as fuel to keep pushing forward. Unfollow them but keep your Instagram account Public so they can see you succeed from afar. Or am I the only Petty Betty who thrives off of stuff like that 😉

4. Keep your relationship with God super tight: Reaching for a new goal can feel lonesome at times. Especially if you’ve spent a lot of time dealing with 2 and 3. Even your friends who are supportive may not be able to follow along with all steps of your journey. Their dreams and purposes align with old aspects of your life. God (whomever that is for you) is the only constant in our lives. His presence is eternal and moments like this are when you’ll hear Him the loudest. Pray formerly or talk to Him whenever the mood strikes. My conversations with God can be so casual at times. Plenty of times I’ve asked “Hey can I ask you something?” casually in my head while nervously driving to proposal meetings.

5. Spend very little time penalizing your shortcomings: In other words, don’t be your own personal naysayer. There will be those days that skip the gym. Those times you plop on the couch and watch trash Tv instead of working on your side hustle. Or days you simply cross nothing off your to do list. Winter seasons are so good at draining us. It’s cold and gets dark so much sooner. Remember that tomorrow is the time to hit the reset button and get back to it. The more you wallow and beat yourself up for not staying on task, the more you’re likely to feel undeserving. Those who feel undeserving are less likely to tackle upwardly mobile tasks and the cycle continues. Don’t do that to yourself.

6. Surround yourself with like minded people: This is one of the most important tips. Especially since you’ll likely have to cut several naysayers out of your life. Not only will you want to keep those who support you, but you’ll need to grow a tribe of those who are on the same or similar path. They do not need to have the exact same career goals but similar is key. You may be studying to be a dentist and they’re on the path of pediatrics. Your dream is to be a top blogger, they’re a budding photographer. I know, making new friends is hard but you’d be surprised how much easier it is to build a career tribe. Make sure you have the same drive and basic needs. See my post on How to Build your Tribe for stellar tips.

7. Support the HECK out of your tribe: Once you find and build it organically, support your tribe in any way you can. This is not always a quick pay off. Some of them are building just as you. But good deeds are rarely forgotten. Even if they don’t remember exactly how you were there for them, there will always be an aura of support around you. When they think of you it’ll trigger fond feelings.

8. Support the HECK out of those you admire from afar: When you’re slowly coming up it’s natural to become intimidated by those who you feel have made it. Or worse, you feel intense twinges of jealousy which keeps you from showing up for them physically and online. You figure… “they have enough admirers, I’m sure they won’t notice me”. This is not the case. I’ve shown up to an event and had someone huge in my industry shake approach me saying. “I know you from Instagram. Thanks for the nice comments and words”. I never even thought she knew I existed. I’ve since invited her to some of my small events and she showed up with a big smile and amazing attitude. It was a great full circle moment. Big numbers and followers does not always equate pompous attitudes. Many of them are just hardworking supportive people who will respect the same in you.

9. Scared Money Don’t Make None: Not only is this a line for the coolest song but it’s also true. You’ll have to invest in yourself before anyone else will. I know I’m sounding like an unfortunate broken record but again, some may not support you on your journey. This include monetary help. Prepare to invest in yourself a lot in the beginning. Even those who believe in you won’t carry your dream. However once they see you taking yourself seriously they’ll follow suit. If you’re looking to market via social media you’ll need an aesthetically pleasing page. This means saving money for photography, bomb videography or cut costs and learn yourself how to shoot and edit dope content.

10. Give just as much as you ask (if not more): It’s one of the basic rules of successful marketing… Give, Give, Give and THEN ask. Because believe me, people detest questions like… “Can I pick your brain”? “I know you don’t know me but could I ask a big favor”? “You’ll probably never see this with all of your followers but will you come to my event”? “Do you have discount or free tickets available”? “Would you shoot for my upcoming blog post. I don’t have a photography budget but I’ll tag you”?
You’re asking for something from a virtual stranger when you’ve done nothing to nurture that relationship. When asking for an industry favor ALWAYS preface with at least 2 things you can do for them. And “exposure” is never a form of payment unless the person reaches out to you specifically for that purpose.

11. Curve unsolicited advice from those whose career you don’t respect or admire: It’s rude and condescending. Unless you ask they should never give their two cents or tell you what to do. Granted it’s coming from a harmless and often loving place but its not helpful. Simply say “I apprecieate your input but I’ve been doing tons of research tailored specifically to my field. If they persist, you’ll need to stop sharing your vision with them.
Now if its a potential mentor, someone who is crushing things in your field or you’ve asked then by all means pull up a chair and take notes.