Whether you’re newly single or have been going solo for years, this day can be rough.
It can be especially hard for me since my family doesn’t celebrate holidays for religious reasons. I’ve always respected their faith but made the personal choice to partake in holidays years ago.
When in relationships I would spend holidays with “his” family and friends. However this year will be different. With no man in sight and most of my close friends leaving town I should be sad and feeling down right? Wrong!
I’ve had other solo holidays in the past and over the years have come up with 8 ways to stay upbeat and enjoy this time of year to the fullest!
1.) JUST SAY YES
You may find yourself getting last minute invites to friend’s places for the holidays. The strong temptation to resist what feels like a pity call will arise. Go anyway. Don’t see yourself as an after thought. Remember that most people are very busy with buying last minute gifts, stress from inlaws and prepping their homes for visitors. Grab a hostess gift and show up. When you’re asked why you’re not with family or if you’re in a relationship, be honest and upbeat then change the topic if it makes you feel uneasy.
2.) COOK YOUR SPECIALTY FOR SOMEONE IN NEED – In the past I loved cooking a dish and taking it to my ex’s family for Christmas Eve. The smell of my kitchen all warm and festive.
Well there’s no reason you have to skip that this year. Whip up your specialty and fill it in tupperware containers. Grab a few friends and drive around areas frequented by the homeless. Pass out your home cooked meal to those who need it most. I like to hand out at least a dollar to each person if I can.
Not great in the kitchen? Then pick up something yummy and shareable from the store.
3.) GATHER YOUR ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS
We all know that cute song and video from our childhood. A bunch of misfit and seemingly unwanted toys got together and sang a memorable tune that still strikes cords with a lot of us this time of year. I’m sure if you scroll through your phone you’ll find others in the same or similar situation as you. Maybe they’re newly single and not quite ready to do the family thing solo. Perhaps they’ve spent loads of cash going home for Thanksgiving and now need to stay local and away from relatives. Throw a fun, low pressure party at your place. You could also gather for a non traditional dinner at your favorite local spot.
4.) CELEBRATE YOUR FOREIGN FRIENDS
Most of us are fortunate enough to have friends from all over the world. For example I have close friends with family in Germany, Africa, China, Korea and Vietnam just to name a few. Send out a fun last minute invite for a “Christmas around the World” party. Tell each friend to bring a dish representative of their home land. Make (or buy) one yourself and share with laughs, well wishes and cocktails!
5.) BE AN ELF
Two students from Union Catholic Regional High School started this adorable and much needed organization to make a difference this Christmas. Just reading one of these letters will take your mind off yourself and warm your heart. Fulfill at least one then share the link with a few of your friends.
6.) CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET
Get your new year started off right for you and someone else. I like to donate my things to Genesis in Dallas. Proceeds go to a local women’s shelter. It’s also helpful if you’re able to take these directly to shelters in need. Google local clothing drives in your area.
7.) VISIT VETERANS, CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY
Even if all you can provide is a listening ear. These are people who are often confined for the holidays. Show your appreciation to Veterans, listen to stories from the elderly and bring toys to children, Dress up in a fun and festive costume as an added bonus for the kids!
8.) PUT “LOVE” AT THE TOP OF YOUR RESOLUTIONS LIST
Resolve to do things like this all year! Not just romantic love or even love that is reciprocal. Vow to love those in need. Those who may not be able to give anything in return. Take satisfaction in the fact that they’ll most likely pay it forward.
What unconventional ways are you spending the holidays this year?
Single Girls Chronicle: Solo for the Holidays
Well it’s been almost a month since my Ex got married and I want to thank you all for the amazing support and reception. My finger literally trembled as I hit the publish button on the first installment of Single Girls Chronicle. It was uber personal to share such humiliating realizations on that vulnerable day.
I had been through so much with this guy. Lets take the photo above for instance… This was on a rough day of dealing with his shit. I was shooting with my photographer and had to take a moment to swiftly wipe a tear away.
I had no idea how I would make it through the shoot until suddenly a cheesy but oh so necessary disco song popped into my head… “At first I was afraid, I was petrified”… You all know the rest.
I’m feeling a little better but still have my moments.
They say that getting over a divorce or bad breakup can exhibit the same symptoms as grieving the death of a loved one. So I’ve gathered songs to fit every stage and help you make it from the dark to triumphant times!
1. DENIAL – You haven’t quite excepted that it’s over. You spend all day on the internet searching ways to get him back and though he’s told you it’s over you can still see a future together. You sing these songs as you fall asleep, drive to work or horrifyingly, on his voice mail.
2. ANGER – You haven’t quite blocked his number yet because you wait for him to call just so you can tell him you don’t want to talk to him. You spend most of your free time telling the world how horrible he is and have probably made a dart board riddled with his face! These songs blare as you chunk all of his crap and maybe even sell his most prized possessions for $1 Waiting to Exhale Style
3. BARGAINING – You look to God and other higher powers for reasoning. You’ll find a lot of “if onlys” and “I will do this for thats” in your vocabulary. Anger fades aways and turns into last ditch efforts or dare I say desperation. This is the point in the game where you may leave begging messages or even show up at their bedroom window with your iPhone pointed up playing these heartbreakers.
4. Depression – This is the stage where reality initially sets in. They’re gone and never coming back in the capacity to which you’ve wanted. I’m going to be honest… This is the stage I’m in. You put on a brave smile during the day, only to rush home and crawl into bed. Even if you know it’s for the best, it still hurts and you have to let yourself feel this moment. If you notice yourself slipping and feel darker everyday please seek help. Know you’re not alone and this is nothing to be ashamed of. We’ve all either been there or will at some point. Treat yourself to a day in your favorite pajamas, curl up with a soft blanket and listen to the following tunes…
Maybe I Should Call – K. Michelle
It Must’ve Been Love – Roxette
I Wish I Never Met Her – Carl Thomas
Like the Sea – Alicia Keys
How Could You – K-Ci & JoJo
Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart – Alicia Keys
Somebody Else – Rico Love
Lose to Win – Fantasia
Dancing On My Own – Robyn
5. Acceptance – You wake in the morning with energy. You clean your house, do your laundry, visit friends and catch up on other things you’ve neglected. You feel brand new and the hope of being with your ex not only fades but seems less desirable everyday. I can’t wait to see this stage. Let’s get there together and when we do we’ll put on that pretty dress, slip on the sickest heels and joyously sing along with the following beats!
Music to My Soul – Cee Lo
Happy – Pharrell
I Love Me – Meghan Trainor
Beyonce – Party
The Man – Aloe Black
Titanium – David Guetta & Sia
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
I’m Coming Out – Diana Ross
Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld
We Are Young (Jersey Club Remix) – Kyle Edwards & DJ Smallz 732
All the Way Up – Fat Joe, Remy Ma & French Montana
No Problem – Chance the Rapper
Father Stretch My Hands – Kanye West
24K Magic – Bruno Mars
I’d LOVE to hear from you guys. In which stage are you and what’s your favorite break up song to bump?
Single Girls Chronicle: Perfect Break Up Songs
Let me preface this by saying that I am NOT an expert on relationships. I’m actually a hot mess and using me as a guide to navigate your way through the dating world would be a BIG mistake. I have however made just about every mistake you could. So use me as a hilarious cautionary tale. There, now lets get to my recent crisis.
This marks the first installment of Single Girls Chronicle: My “ex” is getting married today. I put the word ex in sarcastic quotes because he never really was my boyfriend. As much as I prayed and tried speaking it into existence, we were never truly a couple. If I’m honest with myself I’d realize he wasn’t right for me. If he were we’d currently be in a non-conventional relationship. You know, where we’d love each other but never live together, never get married and absolutely NEVER have kids. After 2 failed marriages and almost 40 years of life I’ve finally come to the conclusion that this is what I want. But we’ll delve more into that another time.
Its taking everything I have not to continuously check his Instagram or their adorable (*rolls eyes) hashtag for pictures that will only make me spiral and drink whiskey straight from the bottle.
I guess I need to briefly start from the beginning.
I met the groom 6 years ago after ending my first marriage. I went in not wanting anything serious and he felt the same. Yet, sure enough after finishing each other’s sentences on the first date, having SO many things in common, mind blowing “kisses” and sharing the same twisted sense of humor, I stupidly fell in love. He pretended to somewhat reciprocate my feelings but went back to an ex with whom he had years of history.
I cried my eyes out, went on a 3 month man cleanse and moved on. Soon after I met my second husband and cut all times with the groom.
Fast Forward 3 years. My 2nd marriage painfully ended and like magic I received a Facebook message from the groom. He was no longer with his ex but in an on again off again relationship with someone new. I agreed to meet him for lunch and those feelings immediately came flooding back. I tried to fight it remembering how hard getting over him was before but true to form I fell even deeper this time. Virtually begging him (I know ick) to pick me instead of going back to the her. I tried being nice, strong, standoffish, angry and nothing seemed to work. Until something clicked and I thought we were making progress. He’d invited me to a concert with one of his friends and we had an amazing time.
Fast Forward again several months and I just “happened” to google his name. Guess what popped up?… An announcement of his engagement with a wedding date only 7 weeks away!!! Not just that but pictures of the happy smiling couple and her flashing a huge rock. I was infuriated. He apologized immediately and after watching me frantically do the math admitted that he had proposed to her a week… WEEK before our fun night at the concert. I was devastated but knew at the end of the day I only had myself to blame. I knew deep down he was a player and would never fully commit to me.
So here I am. Fighting not to search that hashtag or look at his Social Media. I’m just ready for the weekend to be over. Then I’ll know that what’s done is done and I can get back to my fabulous single life.
Well enough wallowing, enough feeling like I lost out on a “prize”. I know deep down that I dodged a bullet. Who wants to be with someone who takes another girl on a date ONE week after he’s proposed? OH and who still texted said girl less than a month before his wedding day?
Yeah… bullet dodged.
See you guys in the next “Single Girls Chronicle” where I’ll talk about how to spend the holidays single. Until then enjoy my usual fashion posts.
Single Girls Chronicle: My “Ex” is getting married today